Step one - I re-visited the Dream God gave me long ago.
It took me several hours back tracking through prayer journals. I got side tracked a few times stopping along the way to look up scripture passages I'd referenced, but God used each passage to light my path through the stacks of journals until I found the words written in my hand so many years ago. Words I thought I'd never forget, but in the midst of my recent funk, I could barely recall.
Let me explain and if in reading, you think I'm crazy, that's OK, at the time I wasn't too sure I've wasn't going stark raving mad.
May 27, 1999, while prayer journaling, God did the most shocking thing of my life.... He took the pen and started writing - right there in MY journal in shocking pink ink! (Yeah, I WOULD grab the fuchsia pen on the most important day of my life. sheesh.)
|Here's an excerpt. |
See, I wasn't kidding about the pink on pink.
In this surreal moment, my hand was writing faster than I could read. I would ask a question and God would respond. He even addressed me as "my child" and sometimes as "little girl". Now, THAT got my attention. I hung on His every word and the following words jumped out at me.
"I will be guiding you to be a visitor in many different places. My messenger, if you can grasp that concept yet. I will refine you and train you in Spirit and body - "
I kept the exchange a secret for a while, but finally took the journal to my Pastor. I figured he's either confirm the experience or confirm I was crazy. Thankfully, he did the later and afterwards, I became convinced it truly was a message from God.
It took me a while to get over the experience and only in re-reading did I discover a re-invention of my original calling to become a Children's minister. I knew in my heart, He wasn't taking the original calling away. He was adding to it. I puzzled over the details for a while. For instance, anytime I went ANYWHERE, I would ask God, is THIS one of those "places" you meant? What I am supposed to do here?" And over time, I relaxed and tried to simply learn and remain open to God's direction to share, encourage or simply listen to the people in my path where ever I visited.
Over the years, I became the visitor and messenger He described. It has been an amazing journey of twists and turns and major ups and downs. I'm sure that's evidence of the "refine and train" part.
In my future posts, I will chronicle the highlights and a few lowlights of journey from there to here. With God's grace, re-visiting the dream and in doing so, re-invent and refocus myself for His service.
Next post - The Dream grows....