Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Asking for help...

I'm pretty good at asking for help, but I'm just not good at asking people to help ME.  

There I said it!  

It’s hard to admit, because I’m pretty good at getting people to volunteer to help in all the ministries I’ve lead.  It’s when I personally need, support or assistance for my ministry work that I flounder.  It feels a lot like trying to write with my left hand.  I feel awkward and unsure because it simply doesn’t feel normal.
I’m so used to being the one helping, supporting and assisting others. Letting others help, support or assist me? Well, I don’t hardly know how to start, but I think that’s exactly what God’s asking me to do.  He’s telling me to do something I cannot do without the financial support of others.  The only way I will be able to do what God’s asking is for me to ask people to help me.
I’m wondering if I’m without skills, without will or without worth?
If I can rally the troops to run a large Sunday school ministry, then it stands to reason that I DO possess the skills necessary to rally support for something God wants accomplished.
Gets me thinking I may have an underlying issue with humbling myself or with my own worthiness. 
I know we all struggle with pride, me probably more than others, so being humble is definitely in the running.  No surprises there.
But last night it dawned on me - deep down I don’t believe I am worth the investment.  Matter of fact, evidence to the contrary surprises me. Nope… I think it shocks me!
Let me explain. 
Last night, I briefly mentioned to a friend what I thought God was calling me to do and in the next breath explaining why I couldn’t because of the financial support required.  Without batting an eye, and having heard only a vague description of the call, my friend immediately said, “Oh, I’ll help you!” 
Surprising? Shocking?  Oh yeah!  Thank heavens, I had the good manners to say thank you, but in my head I was thinking, “Why in the world would she want to do this? She’d willingly help ME? Really?”  I simply didn’t consider myself worthy of her generosity.
I’m still grappling with my reaction and I’m seeking counsel on this.  I’m definitely turning to God’s Word for answers…
I realize that the Great Commission IS about going, but it’s also about sending.  Just as I used to remind myself “Don’t rob others of the opportunity to serve.” when recruiting others to take on tasks I could do myself, but really needed to let others do, I realize by NOT asking for help so I can do what I’m specifically trained and called to do, I could be robbing others of the opportunity to serve by sending me.  So, sorry for the run on sentence… as you can tell I’m struggling…
Pray I’ll see God’s directions clearly… 

Go Ahead - Google it!